Makeup Can't Hide Everything...

But God knows that I try to get it to.

For me, makeup is a source of false confidence. When I'm wearing makeup I feel prettier (as do most girls who wear makeup), and I feel confident. But it is purely false confidence, makeup is a crutch. It's a way for me to cover up who I am in order to try to be someone better.

When I wear a lot of makeup, what I'm saying to the world is that I don't have the confidence to be who I am, to show what I was born with and to rock it. I feel like I need to make myself look "perfect" to be accepted.

I hope that makeup will help me make friends, find guys, or even just make people like me more, but that's just a ridiculous way to be looking at life.

I can't try to get makeup to hide everything about me. Makeup won't cover up the dorky laugh that I have, makeup won't hide the fact that I love the thrill of scary movies, or the fact that I hate public speaking. It can't hide the fact that I can't dance, the fact that I eat way too much, or the fact that I am insecure.

It won't hide all of the imperfections that I am made of, and what I really need to do is embrace all of these imperfections. There are some imperfections that people LOVE about me, so why can't I love them about myself... I am a standard cookie cutter case of a girl who wears makeup to cover up the sadness, but that can't be the way I live forever, eventually I need to accept who I am and become the person I want to be from the inside out.

"Beneath the makeup and behind the smile I am just a girl who wishes for the World." - Marilyn Monroe

So this is how it's going down...

It would appear that by chance, the pattern of my posting is post once when I am reminded of this website, forget about it for months, then post again once I remember. SO lets keep with that pattern and slam out a post right now.

My life is basically a hot mess right now.

There are countless things going on, for some reason this year people decided that they want to befriend me. And I have mixed feelings about this. I have all these new guy friends and it kindaaaaaa weirds me out a little. As part of my nature, I constantly question the intentions of anybody who decides to start talking to me or hanging out with me, and that tends to bite me in the butt.

I have *counts* 11 new guy friends this year. Before this year, I had an outstanding 2 guy friends. So being the weirdo I am, I am instantly wondering why all these guys want to talk to me all of a sudden. Am I more friendly now? Are they realizing that I'm a nice person? Or are they all just getting tired of being single and hoping to get lucky with me since I'm forever alone?
It kinda drives me crazy to not know their intentions....

SO BASICALLY my theory is that every guy who has befriended me is hoping to gain something from our friendship. So I obviously have a severe trust issue, but I have no idea what made me like this. FOR EXAMPLE: One of my new guy friends is in the class I TA for, so my theory is that he's using our friendship to get a better grade; Another one of my guy friends likes my best friend, so i think he's using our friendship to get closer to her; One of them isn't that smart, so he's using me for the answers on homework; One of them doesn't have anybody else to talk to in class, so he's using me to stop from being bored in class; One of them is having girl trouble, so he's using me as "sloppy seconds"; One of them is friends with one of my friends, so he's forced to acknowledge my existance... And the list goes on. I literally have an excuse for every new guy friend I have... Which is a mental problem that I'll have to face at some point, but for now I'd rather not think about it.

OTHER THAN THAT. My life is peachy swell. Besides the grades stress, the fact that I'm getting fatter by the day, and the fact that I'm lonely 24/7. So anywho, I think I've rambled enough for one post....

Isn't it funny how life works?

For example...

If you have a problem and you just leave it alone for a while, by the time you come back you somehow magically solve it. It works that way for relationships, homework, games... everything.

If you do something enough, you could come back to it a year later and still remember how to do it. Like riding a bike, or making a bracelet, or knitting a scarf. There are certain traits that will never leave your brain.

If you want something enough, and you are brave enough to work towards achieving that goal, you will eventually succeed.

And, if you keep telling yourself something enough times, you will eventually trick yourself into thinking it's true, even though in the back of your mind you know it is totally false.

I have had the honor (and the misfortune) of experiencing all of these "funny" things about life first-hand in the past month or so, and let me tell you life's comedic qualities don't feel so funny when they are occurring, but once the situation has passed you realize it really is quite peculiar the way things in our lives fit together. But in the end...

Everything works out.

Well tis been a long time since I've posted...

But I should post something just to get a few updates thrown out there!

In regards to our T-rex cake which came to be named Rex the Dinosaur, he won first place in the cake decorating competition! And therefore it was an honor to have Rex in the library at school for like a week on display. I also won some neat-o cake decorating stuff for getting first place :)

In other news, I have a lot of tests this week so I am in way-stress mode, and I am freaking out almost every night... So that's some fun stuff...

Last weekend I went to Disneyland with Miss Chelsea for her birthday/a deaf event which was going on, that was wayyy fun even though it poured down rain on us (and we ended up looking like wet puppies everyday)

I did not go to Sadies, because A) I had no date, and I would've been too afraid to ask someone and B) Dances just aren't my styleee mannnnnnn. People are horrified the second they hear me say I don't plan on going to my senior prom, and they look at me like I just murdered somebody, but I really don't plan on going. I went to one dance and it was way lamesauce...

SOOOOO I'm out of random life fill-ins to spill out so I best be finishing up this post...
I want Taco Bell so bad right now
I also want a Chiweenie (a Chihuahua & Daschund mix) those things look absolutely darling, and I would love someone forever if they got me one ♥
AND I want sleep... So goodmorrow my little minions, and I shall try to post more often!

The Progress of The Dino and Other Ludicrous Drama

Yesterday in Cooking Class, I carved our lovely yellow cake into the shape of a Dinosaur

Today, I iced it in green frosting, so now he looks a lotttt like a Dinosaur, it's beautiful :)

BUT also today, one member of our team had a complete meltdown because he hates that he has to do dishes in our group, even though our reasoning for making him the dishwasher is completely justified. We gave him many many many chances to cook, but he is careless and just messes things up so it would appear that he is getting a group change after our cake decorating contest

That however is no skin off my nose, because I couldn't care less if he switchs out of our group because honestly, our group will function more efficiently with him GONE and with it just being the three of us girls, because we work well together :) SO fingers crossed that he switches groups.... SOOOOOON!

Dear Seventeen Magazine,

Thank you for showing me the proper way to do a fishtail braid. My hair looks so cool like this and i like it :P I should definitely wear it like this to school ^_^

To Be Determined

Today, In cooking class we had to decide what we're going to do for our Cake Decorating Contest submission, and because my group is normal and rather boring, I had to be the one to throw out wild and cute ideas, so we decided that we're making.... *drumroll* A T-rex cake! Yay! It's gonna be so cute :D I can't wait... we had to name our cake and we couldn't think of anything, because the optional names for our dinosaur were horrific (some options were bob, shakespeare, fat legs... etc.) So I decided that our cake's name will be picked later, but we had to plan out every little detail, and I can't wait :D This is already a fun start to the new semester!